The Land of the Poms: Part III

Sunday morning met us with more pancakes and Gotye before getting picked up by Thea. She drove us to Oxford and then we got the train to Birmingham where we would watch Aston Villa play Spurs at Villa Park. It was a fantastic stadium and although Villa was having the worst season for a long time the stadium was full. Sadly the Spurs fans who were outnumbered about 10 to 1 still sang louder than the Villa fans. This was until Ciaran Clark scored the opener for Villa and suddenly it was like a sleeping lion was awakened. In the end the game was drawn 1-1 even with a ten man Spurs side after Rose almost killed Hutton with a sliding tackle but I really enjoyed the vibe. Two of my favourite quotes from Villa fans were; After Gareth Bale made a challenge, ‘Book him ref! He’s Welsh!’ and ‘Run Heskey you lazy sod.’ Big thanks to Thea for booking our tickets and getting us to and back from the game! I really enjoyed it. I said my good bye to Ryan who would be going back to Rugby but we will see each other again before the year is up. Yeah buddy.

I got to see the Mellon’s once more on our way back from Birmingham which was great and I want to say thanks again for everything they did for me. But the biggest thanks of all goes to my Uncle Sam and especially my Aunty Tansy who got the apartment in Winchester ready for me. I had a wonderful week and it’s all because of your grace. I’m going to spare you the sounds of my last trip with my bag through Winchester and sign off now. On my way back to the Netherlands, leaving England behind me I suppose the best way to end this would be by saying, ‘Now you’re just somebody that I used to know. Somebodyyyyyyyyyyyy!’             

The Land of the Poms: Part II

After waking up to ‘Somebody that I used to know’ by Gotye and lots of pancakes Ryan and I set off from Winchester on the bus for London. We arrived at Victoria coach station and made our way towards the train station and then to the Underground. Our plan: see famous things in London. What happened? We got a little lost. Well the truth is we arrived in Victoria Underground station at rush hour and there were thousands of people and the officials couldn’t cope. There were so many people the officials just said get on a train and pay at your destination! I had been to London before and remembered that Oxford Street was where all the famous shops are and it was close by so we caught the tube there. Our first mission was actually to find a poster and pen to make a 21^st present for my brother whose birthday was the following day.  Ryan wanted to make a one year celebration gift for his girlfriend - ag cute hey!  After walking up and down Oxford Street a few times we realised it’s probably not the best place to find a stationary store as there seemed only to be H&M’s, jewellery and cell phone shops. We did what any reasonable person looking for paper would do. We kept walking up and down the street. But after we got tired I marched into a Vodafone store and asked really nicely if I could permanently borrow some paper. An extremely patient young man obliged and went into the back room to fetch me some paper. When he came back I asked kindly for a pen and since he only brought one sheet I asked for another one for Ryan. He kindly went and fetched those for me too. I then realised that a pen was no good. I needed a permanent marker. He was a good guy.

 With our posters manufactured we hit the streets of London. We had acquired a good map of the city in the Underground and made our way to Regent Street to the famous seven story toy store Hamleys. It’s probably the third time that I have been there but I still can’t help myself and feel amazed, childish and want to try out every single toy and then take them with me. We took some good shots for our respective ‘gift’ albums on every floor before heading out. I seemed to have misplaced our map in all the fun we were having with the toys but I was saved by a sign which said “Trafalgar Square”. We made our way down Regent Street till we came to the renowned Piccadilly Circus. From there we went further down Regent Street before we made it to Trafalgar Square where we took some stunning photos and one shocking one. We could see Big Ben just down the road and were about to make our way towards it when I noticed the large arch ways to the right of us which I know the Queen uses. Admiralty Arch was to be our next photo shoot spot and being South Africans who had become completely impatient with the pedestrian crossings we decided to do it like we do it back home. After narrowly missing two cabs and pulling Ryan out of the path of a double-decker bus we made it to the Arch and casually took our photos in the middle of the road. We quickly realised that it was Buckingham Palace at the end of the long beautiful stretch of road behind the Arch and found our next destination. We then proceeded to Big Ben and managed to scare off some locals by singing Gotye in high pitched voices. We had to take our photos in one of the legendary red telephone booths as well as pulling funny faces at the British guards on duty as you can’t say you’ve been to London if you haven’t. We were pretty tired by now having walked from place to place instead of following our original plan of using the Underground. We had to use it at that stage to get to London Bridge as the London Dungeon was close by and we had a reservation for 3pm. I could see the fear in Ryan’s eyes as we waited in the dark foyer before going in. We first took a photo in which Ryan nonchalantly chopped my head off with a giant axe and then we proceeded on after being told to have a ‘horrible’ time by the member of staff. All the workers there were dressed up as olden day Londoners with make-up that made them look either half-dead, dying or dead. We got quite rudely ushered on by a chap with a staff while another guy just stood in the corner staring at us as we passed by. The one with the staff introduced himself as the Dungeon Keeper and told us stories of the wonderful life he has in the dark. Every once in a while he would bring his staff smashing into the ground making the audience around him jump, scream, then giggle in that order every time. Ryan and I then got lost in the mirror maze before encountering the Black Plague followed by the Great Fire of London that burnt down London Bridge. Our next visit was to a surgeon who demonstrated his skills on one of the audience members. She wasn’t very cooperative so he chopped her arms off just as the lights went out and half the audience got sprayed with blood. We were then taught some torture methods, one being ball crushing.  The lady teacher first brought out a huge ball crusher wrench but after a second glance at the man from the audience she was meant to castrate she went back to her box of toys and brought out a tiny ball crusher. We were then to be sentenced by a judge who called me up to the dock and accused me of showing ‘too much” love to the royal horses and said my only option was to plead guilty, in which case I would be shot in the face with a cannon. I could plead very guilty; in which case they would cut off my face and put it in the cannon then proceed to shoot me in the face with my face. Or I could plead insanity and go free.  I chose the last option. We then got to ride a boat through a scary passage before meeting Sweeney Todd and then Jack the Ripper. Finally we got sentenced to be hanged and we have a brilliant photo to prove it.

 After the dungeons we needed to find a pub in which to watch the FA Cup Final. We wandered around the area where the dungeons were and found a really fancy pub and a second one that smelled like urine, smoke and barf.  We then decided to try get to White Hart Lane and look for a pub there. We went to the bus stop on the other side of London Bridge but it was peak hour and the traffic was hideous. We didn’t want to miss the game so we gave up on that idea and marched on through London. Very soon we realised that we had wondered into the business district of London and believe it or not, finding a pub there was not easy. After lots of fast paced walking we found one full on Norwich supporters. Don’t worry I’m still confused myself. We watched Chelsea beat Liverpool while I got slightly harassed by an old drunken Spurs supporter. After the game we still had three and bit hours to kill before our bus left so we decided to try and make it to White Hart Lane but catching a bus there proved very frustrating. So we decided to go and see the Millennium Bridge because it gets blown up in one of the Harry Potter movies and - well that’s the only reason. We knew we had loads of time  and decided to walk some more even after a full day of Ryan trying to keep up with my long legs - he kept pulling me back and telling me to slow down! We walked along the river Thames and found some really cool places along the way. We bought coffee and a giant cookie to keep us going while we strolled along the boardwalk. We then came up to Tower Bridge where we had a small photo shoot and the Ryan slapped me over the head as he was right about the Tower of London. If you want to know why ask him. It’s not my proudest moment. I knew that before Millennium Bridge we had to pass two other bridges but after Tower Bridge there was nothing but river for a long way. I had another glance at the map and discovered that the map worked better the other way round. Yes we were going the wrong way. We turned around and walked the same distance we had just done in a tenth of the time before finally getting to Millennium Bridge. We took more photos for Luke and SJ along the way including Ryan joining a band on busking cellos. On the bridge we suddenly became death eaters and condemned everyone else on the bridge to the bottom of the Thames. We then noticed a large domed building that was all lit up and seemed to resemble the White House a little. Our curiosity got to us and we made our way over to discover St Paul’s Cathedral. It was to be our last site for the day. We then used the Underground to get back to Victoria coach station and weirdly enough we got there right on time. This has to have been one of the best days of the year and all thanks to you Ryan! London was extraordinary, and that’s that.

The Land of the Poms: Part 1

Due to the enormity of my new writing hobby I over did myself on the accounts of my travels to England during the past May holiday. Therefore I have decided under the great guidance of my new editor Mr Jessop Senior to make a trilogy. Many thanks dad and to everyone else, enjoy part one.  

The 30^th of April, Queens Day in Holland was the start of my journey to England and Murphy’s Law states that on the day of your departure the weather is always good. This made it that much harder for me knowing the day was as fine as they come. What’s more, my big bag which I used to travel over to Holland from South Africa  has a wheel that was starting to break and it was the only bag I had. It was fine going to Schipol Airport but over the course of the week it slowly deteriorated...

I landed in rainy London at exactly the same time I took off in Amsterdam due to the time difference. Who said time travel didn’t exist? I then caught a bus to Winchester where my Aunt and Uncle have a flat that they so kindly let me use for the week. I managed to watch the Manchester derby that night in a English pub which saw City pretty much win the title. The following day I woke up to rain. It’s such a horrible prospect that I ended the sentence there so as not to ruin the ambiance of this one. But I found an umbrella and had a look around town. Winchester is a very historic and old town ( City?!!) which houses the famous round table that King Arthur and his brave knights allegedly squatted around while chatting about their many treacherous adventures. Too bad he didn’t exist. There is a great big Cathedral in the town centre which is stunning and just walking up the main street is both tiring and lovely as it is on a pretty steep hill with old buildings all around. To my amazement and to that of most of the locals as well the sun came out that afternoon and soon everyone was prancing around in shorts and t-shirts, including me. I think I’m becoming a proper European as I savoured that sunlight as if it was a friend I hadn’t seen in years! I had dinner that evening with Thea Smith and her friends. I will be travelling across India with her at the end of the year! There is so much to look forward to, even more to be thankful for and everything to live for.

My now semi-broken bag was on the verge of completely losing one of its wheels. This made walking down the cobbled main street of Winchester to where the bus stop was a social nightmare. It was too big to carry for the entire distance so I dragged it instead with the broken wheel doing exactly what one wheel on every single shopping trolley does: not work. To explain the sound in words is somehow difficult but it would be something like this, gruuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhclankgruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulots.of.phlemgruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. People at the other end of the street  stopped what they were doing to see who had started the road works. But I survived the humiliation and got onto my bus to Oxford. I stayed with a wonderful South African couple who I have a small history with. Gareth Mellon was my baby-sitter when I was young and both he and Alison his wife attended the same church as my family. In fact my mom taught her at Sunday school. Gareth was also lucky enough to have attended the best school in the world, Wynberg. I saw his name almost every day up on the ‘Academic of the year’ board in our hall for the year 2000. No wonder he’s at Oxford now.

 It’s possible that the best way to be taken around Oxford is by an actual student. They can get you into all the colleges that visitors usually have to pay for and they can tell you all about the ins and outs of college life as an Oxford student which in my opinion is fantastic. The whole system they have going there with all the different colleges  each with its own history, traditions and campuses just seems so attractive to me. Some of the buildings date as far back as the 11^th century and look astonishing. The first one I was able to see was Christ Church which is probably one of the most famous -and not just because its dining hall was used in the renowned movie series Harry Potter as the Great Hall in Hogwarts. Christ Church is extremely old and is the only college to have a Cathedral, which is considered part of the college. Every other college only has a Chapel but they all still function and students or visitors can attend their services every week. Another thing about Oxford is their strange obsession with rowing as displayed by every college having its own boat house next to the river Thames or the Isis which is what Oxfordians call it while lifting their chins and feeling chuffed with themselves. Some students spend most of their student lives at Oxford getting their bottoms damp racing up and down the river and it made me wonder when they study. And if they aren’t busy getting wet bollocks then they are more than likely making the air moist at a typical Oxford debate. Gareth took me along to two very interesting debates right after each other. By the end of the second I felt right proud of myself for being able to follow at least half of what was said. I wasn’t however brave enough to stand up and ask a question or make my point of view heard during the audiences ‘response’ especially when every student that stood up felt the need to say what they were majoring in, or that they were a Doctor in this and that and were busy writing their third PhD in their spare time before actually getting on with their point. I feared that saying ‘Hi, I’m Peter and I just finished high school’ might have raised an eyebrow or two. I was disappointed that I never made it into University College, as this is where my genius uncle Sam was   when he studied at Oxford but I did make it into New College which is old, St John’s which is wealthy and Brasenose which is Gareth’s college. He even took me into the post graduates lounge and made me some chilli hot chocolate and I felt very important. I also made it into the mysterious All-Souls College which isn’t really a college as it doesn’t accept under or over graduates, only those who get invited to write an impossible test and then if they pass this impossible test get accepted but this is like one student a year, or not even that. What they do there I don’t know, but I do know that C.S Lewis was a Fellow there and everyone has read his book ‘The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe’ which may be closer to Oxford than you think. Directly opposite the side door to the Church that Lewis attended in Oxford there is a door that leads into one of the buildings of Brasenose and carved into the wooden door is a lion. On either side of the door there are two half-man half-goat creatures called fauns or ‘Mr Tumnus’ and then just down the lane you will find a single lamp post. Coincidence I think not. It’s these little gems that are scattered all over Oxford and which make it so rich and attractive. Blackwell’s bookstore is the first bookstore I almost got lost in and is the first bookstore that could keep me interested for more than an hour of browsing. Basically it is huge. Going to Oxford is like eating sushi; the portions are small yet extremely well presented and have fancy names for everything that probably mean nothing but sound la-di-dah.  However after one bite you can’t help but feel satisfied. Needless to say I ate handsomely. 

My two wonderful nights in Oxford were soon over and I had to make my way to the bus stop which was in the centre of town which is about a twenty minute walk away from the Mellon’s. Well in my usual dignified manner I sort of dosed off that morning and forgot all about the time as both Gareth and Alison had gone to London and before I knew it, it was ten minutes before my bus was supposed to depart. I rushed out the house with broken bag and all. I decided to wear my tracksuit pants as they are more comfortable to travel in than jeans but I didn’t know I would be running to the station in which case my loose choice in clothing was slipping down past my knees.  I wasn’t properly able to save my dignity on each occasion that my tracksuit pants slipped down as I was carrying my broken bag in my arms to avoid loss of hearing to the general public. Sadly I was unable to protect the public against my loss of dignity. I made it though and travelled safely back to Winchester where later one of my best friends from Cape Town who is doing his gap-year in England greeted me! Ryan White J Seeing a familiar face after being in a strange place for a long time is like the first sightings of new life in spring after the barren winter. Sadly the weather didn’t copy what was going on in my mind and it rained. We went out that night to an English pub and ate fish and chips with Thea and some of her friends. It was immense fun. A great foreshadowing for what would take place the following day.