The Land of the Poms: Part II

After waking up to ‘Somebody that I used to know’ by Gotye and lots of pancakes Ryan and I set off from Winchester on the bus for London. We arrived at Victoria coach station and made our way towards the train station and then to the Underground. Our plan: see famous things in London. What happened? We got a little lost. Well the truth is we arrived in Victoria Underground station at rush hour and there were thousands of people and the officials couldn’t cope. There were so many people the officials just said get on a train and pay at your destination! I had been to London before and remembered that Oxford Street was where all the famous shops are and it was close by so we caught the tube there. Our first mission was actually to find a poster and pen to make a 21^st present for my brother whose birthday was the following day.  Ryan wanted to make a one year celebration gift for his girlfriend - ag cute hey!  After walking up and down Oxford Street a few times we realised it’s probably not the best place to find a stationary store as there seemed only to be H&M’s, jewellery and cell phone shops. We did what any reasonable person looking for paper would do. We kept walking up and down the street. But after we got tired I marched into a Vodafone store and asked really nicely if I could permanently borrow some paper. An extremely patient young man obliged and went into the back room to fetch me some paper. When he came back I asked kindly for a pen and since he only brought one sheet I asked for another one for Ryan. He kindly went and fetched those for me too. I then realised that a pen was no good. I needed a permanent marker. He was a good guy.

 With our posters manufactured we hit the streets of London. We had acquired a good map of the city in the Underground and made our way to Regent Street to the famous seven story toy store Hamleys. It’s probably the third time that I have been there but I still can’t help myself and feel amazed, childish and want to try out every single toy and then take them with me. We took some good shots for our respective ‘gift’ albums on every floor before heading out. I seemed to have misplaced our map in all the fun we were having with the toys but I was saved by a sign which said “Trafalgar Square”. We made our way down Regent Street till we came to the renowned Piccadilly Circus. From there we went further down Regent Street before we made it to Trafalgar Square where we took some stunning photos and one shocking one. We could see Big Ben just down the road and were about to make our way towards it when I noticed the large arch ways to the right of us which I know the Queen uses. Admiralty Arch was to be our next photo shoot spot and being South Africans who had become completely impatient with the pedestrian crossings we decided to do it like we do it back home. After narrowly missing two cabs and pulling Ryan out of the path of a double-decker bus we made it to the Arch and casually took our photos in the middle of the road. We quickly realised that it was Buckingham Palace at the end of the long beautiful stretch of road behind the Arch and found our next destination. We then proceeded to Big Ben and managed to scare off some locals by singing Gotye in high pitched voices. We had to take our photos in one of the legendary red telephone booths as well as pulling funny faces at the British guards on duty as you can’t say you’ve been to London if you haven’t. We were pretty tired by now having walked from place to place instead of following our original plan of using the Underground. We had to use it at that stage to get to London Bridge as the London Dungeon was close by and we had a reservation for 3pm. I could see the fear in Ryan’s eyes as we waited in the dark foyer before going in. We first took a photo in which Ryan nonchalantly chopped my head off with a giant axe and then we proceeded on after being told to have a ‘horrible’ time by the member of staff. All the workers there were dressed up as olden day Londoners with make-up that made them look either half-dead, dying or dead. We got quite rudely ushered on by a chap with a staff while another guy just stood in the corner staring at us as we passed by. The one with the staff introduced himself as the Dungeon Keeper and told us stories of the wonderful life he has in the dark. Every once in a while he would bring his staff smashing into the ground making the audience around him jump, scream, then giggle in that order every time. Ryan and I then got lost in the mirror maze before encountering the Black Plague followed by the Great Fire of London that burnt down London Bridge. Our next visit was to a surgeon who demonstrated his skills on one of the audience members. She wasn’t very cooperative so he chopped her arms off just as the lights went out and half the audience got sprayed with blood. We were then taught some torture methods, one being ball crushing.  The lady teacher first brought out a huge ball crusher wrench but after a second glance at the man from the audience she was meant to castrate she went back to her box of toys and brought out a tiny ball crusher. We were then to be sentenced by a judge who called me up to the dock and accused me of showing ‘too much” love to the royal horses and said my only option was to plead guilty, in which case I would be shot in the face with a cannon. I could plead very guilty; in which case they would cut off my face and put it in the cannon then proceed to shoot me in the face with my face. Or I could plead insanity and go free.  I chose the last option. We then got to ride a boat through a scary passage before meeting Sweeney Todd and then Jack the Ripper. Finally we got sentenced to be hanged and we have a brilliant photo to prove it.

 After the dungeons we needed to find a pub in which to watch the FA Cup Final. We wandered around the area where the dungeons were and found a really fancy pub and a second one that smelled like urine, smoke and barf.  We then decided to try get to White Hart Lane and look for a pub there. We went to the bus stop on the other side of London Bridge but it was peak hour and the traffic was hideous. We didn’t want to miss the game so we gave up on that idea and marched on through London. Very soon we realised that we had wondered into the business district of London and believe it or not, finding a pub there was not easy. After lots of fast paced walking we found one full on Norwich supporters. Don’t worry I’m still confused myself. We watched Chelsea beat Liverpool while I got slightly harassed by an old drunken Spurs supporter. After the game we still had three and bit hours to kill before our bus left so we decided to try and make it to White Hart Lane but catching a bus there proved very frustrating. So we decided to go and see the Millennium Bridge because it gets blown up in one of the Harry Potter movies and - well that’s the only reason. We knew we had loads of time  and decided to walk some more even after a full day of Ryan trying to keep up with my long legs - he kept pulling me back and telling me to slow down! We walked along the river Thames and found some really cool places along the way. We bought coffee and a giant cookie to keep us going while we strolled along the boardwalk. We then came up to Tower Bridge where we had a small photo shoot and the Ryan slapped me over the head as he was right about the Tower of London. If you want to know why ask him. It’s not my proudest moment. I knew that before Millennium Bridge we had to pass two other bridges but after Tower Bridge there was nothing but river for a long way. I had another glance at the map and discovered that the map worked better the other way round. Yes we were going the wrong way. We turned around and walked the same distance we had just done in a tenth of the time before finally getting to Millennium Bridge. We took more photos for Luke and SJ along the way including Ryan joining a band on busking cellos. On the bridge we suddenly became death eaters and condemned everyone else on the bridge to the bottom of the Thames. We then noticed a large domed building that was all lit up and seemed to resemble the White House a little. Our curiosity got to us and we made our way over to discover St Paul’s Cathedral. It was to be our last site for the day. We then used the Underground to get back to Victoria coach station and weirdly enough we got there right on time. This has to have been one of the best days of the year and all thanks to you Ryan! London was extraordinary, and that’s that.